To Toonces

I first wrote in this blog about 2 years ago.  It was also the last time until today.  I meant to keep up, but recovery from caring for my parents took longer than I expected.  What brought me here today is the probable loss of Toonces the Cat.  He came to me after my parents had to move to a nursing home, in late June of 2010.  My parents lived there less than 6 months before their deaths, one day apart.

Toonces was a grumpy old man.  He was 12 when he came to live with me in June of 2010.  He had been living a life of food & sleeping in hidden places.  He was not a happy cat & all I knew of him was that he was nasty & he bit.  He was also quite overweight.  But I agreed to take him so my mother would move to the nursing home.

He spent his first month sitting at the top of the stairs.  He was afraid to come into the living room.  He would skulk in occasionally but leave just as fast.  Gradually he became braver & finally found his way to my chair to sit on my lap.  He became quite a love - a perfect cat for a knitter, really, because he was loving & affectionate & was not interested in my yarn, although he did like to lick the plastic covering my patterns.  We developed quite a routine.

He would join me at my computer table in my office.  I was surprised he could just so high.  Eventually I had to put a chair next to the table because, as he got a little older, he could not jump quite so high.  He found a new use for my yarn winder which is attached to my computer table.  He made it his personal face scratcher.   And he would purr & purr & purr while I was at my computer.  He also liked it when I printed documents because they were warm and he would sit on them.

He loved sitting in my lap & I loved that also.  I was especially fond when he would lay his head sideways on my chest & let me scratch his cheek or stroke his ears.  This is the best part of having a cat.  I would fall asleep on my recliner & he would sleep with me.  Last winter, when I would leave my chair he would jump right up into it & would not leave.  In the summer he slept at the top of the stairs - probably the coolest place in the house.  I placed a memory foam bathmat there for him & he made it his own.

This winter he did not exclusively sleep in my chair when I was gone.  He had discovered many other places.  Just recently I moved my couch to the window so he would have a nice place to sleep & enjoy the sun. He found the perfect spot & often I would come out & there he was, king of the living room.

He is a smart cat.  A handsome cat with beautiful gray fur.

And while I was writing this the vet called & I left to say goodbye.  I got there too late.  He died about 1am today.  He was fine at 6pm, on my computer desk purring like mad.  He was purring so much I almost called my daughter so she could hear him.  I fed him & gave him fresh water & then he came to see me eat.  Then about 8:30 pm while I was watching tv I heard a noise, turned off the sound & didn't like the noise.  He was lying on his side on his memory foam mat, gagging & trying to lift his head.  There was something really wrong.  I called my friend Porter who has 3 current cats & she advised me to call the emergency animal hospital.  She even got me the number. Then she came over with her cat carrier & took me to the clinic.  Toonces got sick at 8:30 pm on 11/28/12 & we were there by 9pm.  The vet examined him & said she thought he had thrown a blood clot.  She was very caring but very direct & said when this happens, cats generally don't live long, especially older cats.  Maybe not through the night.

After consulting with her & my friend, I decided not to do many tests, but to leave him there to see how he did overnight.  His front paws were so cold.  I gave him love & kisses & petted him & told him I loved him & said goodbye.  They placed him in an incubator to warm him up & I kissed him again.  Then I went home.

I cried & researched the disorder & called my daughter, the cat lover, & cried some more.  And did some more research.  Then I decided to write about this wonderful cat.  The call came just after 1am.

He was a wonderful cat.  He became my buddy, my pal, and was such a love.  I will miss him so.

The End Of The Year

I end this year with the passing of my parents.  They lived long lives but the last few were hard on them and me.  My mother was 90 when she died on December 13,  2010, and she had many significant health problems.  My stepfather died on December 14, 2010.  He had physical problems but his "health" was ok.  I guess he just didn't want to stay in the nursing home any longer.  They had been married 51 years.

This blog is not set up to lament about what my life has been these last almost 9 years, so this is the only time I will talk about this.  I have defined myself these 9 years as "The only child of elderly parents".  That is no longer true.  I am 64 years old and am beginning a new phase of my life.  I have to redefine myself and that is what this journey is about.

My life that is ending started on January 31, 2002 when I went to see my parent who lived 2.5 hours away from me, and the neighbors came up and said "We didn't know what to do, we didn't know who to call."  Over the course of these years both of my parents could have died.  I did not want them to die of neglect, so I basically put my life on hold.  I had no idea this would last so long. In the course of those years I had 2 bouts of major depression, heart surgery, removal of a malignant melanoma, and lost my business.

During the same time frame, my mother had 2 knee replacements, 2 back surgeries, lost her hearing, her eyesight, became incontinent of bowl & bladder, had progressively worsening COPD, and was on oxygen 24/7.  

My stepfather had 2 separate rounds depression which required electric shock therapy and non-diabetic neuropathy which seriously impacted his extremities. He also developed some breathing problems in the last month.

My parents moved to Madison to a retirement community in 2003, but ultimately ran out of money in December, 2009.  They had to move to a nursing home at the same retirement community in June, 2010.  My mother's statement upon learning of her fate was that they were trying to kill her.  She  proceeded to try to prove them true and, after 1 week in the nursing home, spent 9 days in the hospital when I almost had to decide that she would die.   After discussing this with my son by phone from my car, sobbing all the time, I drove around the corner & saw the most magnificent double rainbow right at sunset.  My mother was hospitalized 5 more times before her death.  Two days before she died, she said no more.  She died during a blizzard.

I went to see my stepfather twice the day my mother died.  There was no indication he was near death.  The next morning, for the 2nd day in a row, I got the call from the nursing home.

About 9 months before their death we finally talked about their final wishes.  My mother was cremated one week ago and her ashes will be buried with my stepfather who wanted to be buried.  

We will hold a family memorial/get-together this spring.

This will be the last of my whining and reliving the past.  I am no longer the only child of elderly parents.  I will remember my parents fondly, as they were.  I am starting a new life with such possibilities.  I don't know where my life will take me, but I am ready.  Hence this blog - because I want to celebrate the now and the new beginning.  I embrace it!!!