I end this year with the passing of my parents. They lived long lives but the last few were hard on them and me. My mother was 90 when she died on December 13, 2010, and she had many significant health problems. My stepfather died on December 14, 2010. He had physical problems but his "health" was ok. I guess he just didn't want to stay in the nursing home any longer. They had been married 51 years.
This blog is not set up to lament about what my life has been these last almost 9 years, so this is the only time I will talk about this. I have defined myself these 9 years as "The only child of elderly parents". That is no longer true. I am 64 years old and am beginning a new phase of my life. I have to redefine myself and that is what this journey is about.
My life that is ending started on January 31, 2002 when I went to see my parent who lived 2.5 hours away from me, and the neighbors came up and said "We didn't know what to do, we didn't know who to call." Over the course of these years both of my parents could have died. I did not want them to die of neglect, so I basically put my life on hold. I had no idea this would last so long. In the course of those years I had 2 bouts of major depression, heart surgery, removal of a malignant melanoma, and lost my business.
During the same time frame, my mother had 2 knee replacements, 2 back surgeries, lost her hearing, her eyesight, became incontinent of bowl & bladder, had progressively worsening COPD, and was on oxygen 24/7.
My stepfather had 2 separate rounds depression which required electric shock therapy and non-diabetic neuropathy which seriously impacted his extremities. He also developed some breathing problems in the last month.
My parents moved to Madison to a retirement community in 2003, but ultimately ran out of money in December, 2009. They had to move to a nursing home at the same retirement community in June, 2010. My mother's statement upon learning of her fate was that they were trying to kill her. She proceeded to try to prove them true and, after 1 week in the nursing home, spent 9 days in the hospital when I almost had to decide that she would die. After discussing this with my son by phone from my car, sobbing all the time, I drove around the corner & saw the most magnificent double rainbow right at sunset. My mother was hospitalized 5 more times before her death. Two days before she died, she said no more. She died during a blizzard.
I went to see my stepfather twice the day my mother died. There was no indication he was near death. The next morning, for the 2nd day in a row, I got the call from the nursing home.
About 9 months before their death we finally talked about their final wishes. My mother was cremated one week ago and her ashes will be buried with my stepfather who wanted to be buried.
We will hold a family memorial/get-together this spring.
This will be the last of my whining and reliving the past. I am no longer the only child of elderly parents. I will remember my parents fondly, as they were. I am starting a new life with such possibilities. I don't know where my life will take me, but I am ready. Hence this blog - because I want to celebrate the now and the new beginning. I embrace it!!!
